Before doing this shoot I was nervous. I had never shot nude before. I have always had a negative view of my breasts and I did not know if I’d like seeing them on camera.
During the shoot it felt strange to be concentrating on my flaws, my tummy rolls, varicose veins, bumpy skin, scars, double chin... As it went on, it became freeing. I felt empowered. I am beautiful, every single inch of me is beautiful.
I was quite scared to look at the images and my first gut reaction to my tummy rolls was displeasure. But, as I looked more closely I saw the beauty in the folds and creases of my skin. This is what makes me, me.
Logically, I know that there is nothing wrong with being bigger or having fat, but seeing yourself and accepting that is a much more challenging prospect. One that I am glad to say I have taken on, full steam. It’s not an instant fix, but I know I love my body far more than ever before, and, luckily, love is exponential.
Letting my breasts be seen by the world is quite a daunting thing. I have been brought up, like so many, to know not to show your breasts as it could “ruin you career” or “guys will think of you as a slut”. I have
always thought this illogical, and hated that men are allowed to be shirtless in public and women aren’t. And yet, even as I now have an opportunity, I bare my breasts and I am terrified. Years of social
conditioning has me mentally trapped, thinking, “I can't do this.” Well, I can.
As a model having an angular face is very important. We have all heard about the perfect cheekbones and jawlines. So much of this is achieved with posing your face and neck in specific ways. I have always naturally had a bit of a double chin, no matter how much I weigh, it is there at the wrong angles. I constantly have to work when modeling to lose or remove it. This has led to me hating my chin. I saw this as an opportunity to combat that hatred, and see my chin in all its “double glory”. A few hundred years ago a fuller face was seen as the ideal in beauty.
These shots do not show how I look every minute of every day, no photo does. What it shows is a side of me that until now I have tried to keep hidden.